Tidewoven Inc | The Dishwasher Incident: The Report
Elise got home after everyone else. She dropped her bag by the door, kicked off her shoes, and took the deepest preparatory breath of her week. Because she knew what she had to do.
Micah was on the couch, hunched over the coffee table, fixing a loose strap on Lucy’s dance bag as if it required NASA-level precision. Daniel was at the kitchen island grading essays, looking tired but stable. The dishwasher hummed innocently in the background.
Elise walked in with the expression of a woman about to drop a truth bomb with surgical precision. They both looked up. “Okay,” she said. “We need to talk.”
Micah immediately tensed. “Is everything okay?”
Daniel’s head snapped up. “What happened?”
“It’s nothing bad,” Elise said. “Well. Not bad bad.” Both men stared at her like she’d just said she totaled the car. She set her hands on her hips. “Lucy’s teacher called me.”
Daniel frowned. “Why?”
Micah’s brows knit. “Is she sick?”
“No,” Elise said. “She told her entire class about your dishwasher fight.”
The silence was deafening.
Daniel blinked. “Our what?”
“Your. Dishwasher. Fight.”
Micah slowly set the bag aside. “That wasn’t a fight.”
“Tell that to your niece,” Elise said. “She gave them a full, dramatic retelling. Including sound effects.”
Daniel straightened in outrage. “Sound effects?”
“She described you,” Elise said, pointing at him, “as a man of very strong dishwasher morals.”
Micah choked. Actually choked, hand over mouth, shoulders shaking, trying desperately not to laugh.
Daniel turned on him. “It’s not funny.”
“It’s a little funny,” Micah gasped.
“It’s not funny,” Daniel repeated, louder, which did not help.
Elise held up a finger. “You two aren’t hearing the best part.”
Both men froze.
“Elise,” Daniel said slowly, “what exactly did Lucy tell her teacher?”
“She said Uncle Micah,” Elise recited, “stormed away like a dragon, hid in the garage to cool off before he exploded, and that you rearranged the dishwasher because ‘he takes dish cleanliness VERY seriously.’”
Micah covered his face with both hands.
Daniel stared at Elise. “She said I rearranged it?”
“Oh my God,” Elise muttered. “That is your takeaway?”
Daniel pointed at her, scandalized. “I did a minor reorganization.”
“You dismantled the entire rack,” Micah said through his hands.
“I—” Daniel stopped. “Okay, we are not relitigating that.”
“Oh,” Elise added, “and Lucy also told them Micah is living here because he’s having a ‘big brain problem, but he can cry on the floor if he needs to.’”
Micah’s soul left his body. He looked at Elise in horror. “She said that?”
“She said it to the entire class.” Elise paused. “And the teacher.”
Micah slid down on the couch like he’d been shot. “Oh God.”
Daniel dragged a hand over his face. “So we’ve been reported.”
“Yes,” Elise said. “You have been reported. For an emotional dishwasher disagreement and ambiguous floor-crying.”
Micah groaned into his hands. “I can’t go to pick up today. I can’t face anyone.”
Daniel slumped onto a stool. “We have become school gossip.”
Elise crossed her arms, trying not to smile. “You are now officially the weirdos from the drama kitchen.”
Micah muttered, “Great,” into the couch cushion.
Daniel exhaled sharply. “This is humiliating.”
Elise finally let herself laugh. “Oh, please,” she said. “This house has survived worse than a dishwasher report. And for the record? Lucy also said she loves living here because you two are ‘the funniest show on earth.’”
Micah lifted his head a fraction. “She said that?”
“She did,” Elise said. “And she meant it.”
Daniel sighed. “She’s impossible.”
“Completely,” Elise agreed.
Micah let out a small, reluctant smile. “She’s great.”
Elise leaned down, kissed the top of his head, then patted Daniel’s shoulder. “You two are ridiculous,” she said. “And it’s fine. The teacher laughed. The crisis is over.”
Daniel mumbled, “I still maintain the bowls were angled wrong.”
Micah sat bolt upright.
“Do not start.” Elise pointed at both of them like a stern general. “No round two. I’m serious. I will put a lock on that dishwasher.”
Lucy’s voice floated in from the front door as she came in, backpack bouncing. “Mom! Did you tell them they’re famous now?”
Both men groaned in unison. Lucy grinned. Some families fight. Some families break. But this one? This one survives by being extremely, embarrassingly alive.
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